Another Way
by marysunshine81
Summary: My attempt at fixing the Diane/Will relationship after 5x3. Will's POV


_**A/N: I'm used to fixing Diane and Kurt in fanfics. I've been doing that for 3 years now, because whenever Kurt showed up on the show after a year there was always some fixing to do. But I am not used to fixing Diane and Will, they have always fixed themselves on the show, until now. I'd like to hope this will change and the best relationship on the show (in my opinion of course) will be fixed soon, but I couldn't just sit around with my pain, waiting for next week's episode. I had to do something and here's the result. This fic was like a therapy for me, it might not be perfect, but it helped me and I hope it will help others too.**_

* * *

_I put my life into this place. My whole life._

_And it's appreciated._

_No, it's not... Not with ghouls like that shoving me out the door._

_Well, I can't negotiate appreciation._

_That's right. That's why you'd better do it with money._

_And how much appreciation are you looking for, Your Honor?_

_I must have really hurt you...to make you want to hurt me like this._

_That was the deal from the beginning, Diane, remember? We work together until it's not fun or profitable anymore. Well, here we are. Are you having fun?_

_Bump the package up by 20% and I'll leave._

_I can't do that._

_Then find another way. I'll be at home._

* * *

She'll come around. She knows she can't be sworn in with a partnership dispute hanging over her head. That's what I told Alicia and I want to believe it's true, because I want to put an end to this partnership as soon as possible.

She ended it. She decided she wanted to leave and she made it clear that the judgeship is more important to her than the firm. The firm that used to be ours, that I thought means as much to her as to me, but her priorities seem to have changed.

We have been through so much during the last years. Stern, Bond, the recession, the investigation, the suspension, the bankruptcy, but we survived it all and things were finally going right when the offer came along.

I don't blame her for wanting more for herself, she's earned it, she should claim her price. I never expected our partnership to last forever, but I also never expected it to end like this either. That she would end it like this.

She was asked to trash me and she did it just like that, without any warning until it was too late. She didn't only hurt me, she also hurt the firm, that she still calls _her firm_, _her life's work_, when she did her best to destroy its reputation for her own goal. And now she claims she isn't appreciated enough. Why can't she just accept what we can pay and leave? It would be less painful for both of us.

Pain. Yes, it is painful. I've been trying to look forwards and not backwards for the last days. I even made an offer to Alicia, because the firm cannot suffer due to all of this. We survived losing Jonas Stern, we will survive losing Diane Lockhart. But in a hidden corner of my mind there's a thought I'm trying to suppress, that I'm not only losing a law firm partner, but also a friend.

But friends don't stab each other in the back and yet that is what she did. She had been supporting me through the investigation, the indictment, the suspension and she decided to just cut the cord now when we were finally on a happy place, equal partners again. It just hurts that she was able to do this to me.

Thanks to her now everyone knows I borrowed money from a client's account a million years ago. My own partner turned on me, I'm probably the laughing stock of the Illinois Bar Association once more. We are supposed to be a team, we are supposed to be friends. How could she do this to me after everything I/we have been through?

And she wants appreciation? Her interview hurt me, hurt the firm, it will probably cost us clients. The firm's already worth less thanks to her, she cannot seriously think we will pay her more. It's a fair offer, she needs to sign that damn settlement and leave.

I feel anger rise inside me again and I suddenly have to step on the breaks when I notice a red light the last minute. I feel my pulse in my head, my heart beating faster and I try to breathe in and out and calm down before I step on the gas pedal when the light changes to green.

_Then find another way. _

What other way was she talking about? What does she want from me if not money? I could have escorted her out with the security guards, but I didn't. I tried to treat her with respect, because I still respect her, but apparently it's not enough for her.

_I'll be at home._

I hear her words again and I glance at the clock on the board that shows 8:30. Is it too late to pay a visit to her? Probably not, but do I really want to go there now? We would just end up fighting, what we didn't do in Alicia's presence. Maybe we should have. If fighting is the way to find a solution, then so be it.

I look out the window to see where I am and quickly calculate which is the shortest way to Diane's house. I am not sure I'm doing the right thing, but sleeping on it one more time wouldn't help either. Not that I have been able to sleep that much in the last days.

I park my car, get out and walk to her front door to ring the bell. When she opens it, I can see on her face that she didn't expect me to show up there just like that.

"What are you doing here?"

"We need to find a solution," I tell her and wait until she steps aside and lets me in, "I asked Alicia to take your seat," I start as we arrive in her living room to show I have nothing to hide. She knows I want her gone, there's no need to sugarcoat it now.

"I bet she can't wait to take it," she replies spitefully, "But she isn't ready for that, Will."

"You don't have a say in this. You are leaving and I need someone I can trust," I try to hide my pain and just state facts, there's no place to show any weakness.

"I'm only leaving if you make me a decent offer."

I can see that nothing has changed since we last spoke. It would have been easier if she had magically changed her mind, but I am here now, we will get to the bottom of this.

"You know very well we cannot pay you more. Why are you doing this? Why do you act like the injured party?"

I know I shut her out until now, but I decided I want to hear her reasoning, maybe it will help me understand what went wrong.

"Because I put my life into this firm," she gives the same reason as before, but I cannot act the same way, I need to make her realize how hypocritical this sounds.

"You should have thought about that before you gave the interview."

"I told nothing but the truth."

"But it hurt the firm, Diane. It cleaned your name, but it hurt the firm, don't you see it?"

I am still calm and I'm trying to be patient with her. We already had a shouting match about the interview, but it lead to nowhere, it's probably wiser to try a different approach.

"I do, but I had to do it, I had no choice."

"You always have a choice, but you decided this judgeship is worth it for you."

I remind her of her own priority and she stands my gaze for a few seconds before she replies.

"I have made one sacrifice after the other to keep our firm alive, I have supported you through everything that happened, but now I had to choose myself."

"Then leave and let us try to move on," I say it with no offensive tone this time, it sounds more like a request than an order.

"And let you treat me like Jonas Stern? Have you forgotten what I have done for you?"

Her accusation hurts, but I try not to show it. I am aware of what she has done for me, but the sad truth is she undid all that with this one interview.

"If any of us forgot something, it's you. I thought we were friends, too. But friends don't stab each other in the back."

I stand her gaze, trying not to show that I am hurting, but my words speak for themselves.

"Is it what you think? That I stabbed you in the back? Just because for once I put myself first? I could have done it long ago."

"Then why didn't you?"

Why support me then destroy me after I'd survived hell? It's like I'm back in that deep hole again thanks to her, even though I already climbed out three times, twice with her help.

"I told you I was sorry, I don't know what else to say. I never meant to hurt you."

I heard her apology the first time too, but it meant nothing then, just like her confession. It means more now, but it doesn't work like that, not with me.

"But you did," I admit, but don't dwell on my pain for more than a few seconds, "And not only me, but the firm as well. You need to leave, Diane, you owe us that much."

"You just want me gone so you can put your precious Alicia in charge. Do you really think she is the best choice? You are blinded by your feelings."

It's so typical of her to be paranoid like this and look for someone else to blame, but I won't let her destroy my faith in Alicia.

"It has nothing to do with my feelings. I think she deserves a chance and she will prove me right. And I know she would never betray me."

"Don't be so sure of that."

This is so uncalled for and it just makes me angry, so I raise my voice a little.

"Just because you screwed me over, it doesn't mean that everybody will sink to your level."

I can see how my reaction startles her and she looks at me with disbelief.

"My level? I'm going to be a Supreme Court Justice, while you are putting a partner without enough experience in charge. It could cost you the firm."

"If I lose the firm it'll be because of what you said," I remind her of her betrayal once more, because I can't stand her shifting the blame to Alicia. I see her shake her head.

"No, it won't be and you know it," she says, but I don't reply anything and a few seconds of silence follows until she continues, "Look, Will, I'm sorry, I just want you to understand that I had to do this. For once in my life I did something for myself, because I want this judgeship more than anything."

"I guess that is pretty clear to everyone now," I say bitterly, as if none of what she told me mattered at all. But truth is I am starting to understand that this is what she really wants and why she did what she did, even though it still hurts.

"Do I regret it? Of course I do, because I see how much I hurt you. I never wanted you to be angry with me, I wanted us to part in peace, as friends."

I appreciate her honesty, how she regrets what she did and tries to understand how I feel, but I still feel betrayed.

"Friends don't stab each other in the back," I say with a pained expression, finally showing how much she hurt me and I can see how she feels for me this time.

"Will you consider forgiving me if I sign it, if I don't fight you anymore?"

She seems to give up, I won, but it doesn't feel like winning that much, it feels much more like losing.

"Is it what you want? My forgiveness?" I ask calmly.

It took us a while, but we seem to have found _another way_, I'm just not sure I am able to do what she expects from me.

"I made a mistake. I felt cornered and chose the wrong way out. You made a mistake too and you're still paying for it. I understand that I have to pay for mine, I just ask you to please weigh what I did in the right way. I'm not your enemy, Will, I'm your friend."

Her eyes are begging me now and I can see how she's hurt too. She was right. I hurt her because she'd hurt me, but I still know she isn't the enemy. Yes, she made a mistake, we all make mistakes, it's just not that easy to forgive this one.

"Then sign the settlement," I tell her, without agreeing to her terms. I can't forgive her now, I am not ready. Maybe I will be able to do it sometime in the future, but we need to settle this matter now on my terms.

"So it can all be over?"

"Isn't it what you want?"

She made it clear that the judgeship is her priority, then why doesn't she want to leave and focus on her future? It would be the best for both of us and especially the firm.

"No. I want to stay as long as I can and try to fix this with you. I want to help convince my clients that you have their best interest at heart and they don't need to choose another firm over yours. I want to leave when the time comes with dignity. And most importantly I want us to stay friends after I'm gone."

"So these are your terms?"

I just look at her and I don't know what to say to all of this. I'm not sure we can still work together after what she did and it will surely take a while until I am able to believe that she really is my friend. I appreciate that she is trying hard to convince me though. It wasn't a bad idea after all to come here tonight and talk things through. If anything, it managed to make me feel a little better.

"Yes."

"So it isn't about the money?"

I remind her of our conversation in the office, but I am not bitter anymore.

"You know me."

Her statement induces pain again and I can't stop myself from replying something I know she won't like hearing.

"I thought I did."

"Can we please not start all over again? I am still sorry. I want to try to make things right. Please, let me."

I don't remember seeing her like this before, giving up all her dignity and practically begging me. I suddenly feel like I am the heartless one from the two of us.

"You can help us if you want, but it's better if we have a signed agreement now. We can always throw you a party later," I reply with a sudden lightness in my tone, but she doesn't seem to be satisfied.

"And what if my judgeship still falls through? I'm going to be replaced by Alicia and out on my own?"

Only now do I see fear in her eyes and start to understand how her life seems to be falling apart. I don't know how it happened, but I feel a little sorry for her now.

"Do you have any reason to doubt you will get it now?"

"You can never be sure, it's politics."

"And it's Peter Florrick we are talking about. You know I always hated how he offered this to you and basically took you away from me," I admit something I haven't admitted yet, not even to myself, but I continue quickly, not giving her time to respond, "But you have no reason to be afraid, he always gets what he wants and he wants you in that seat."

"But he made me do this to you," she says with sadness in her eyes and I grab this opportunity to have someone else to blame for everything that happened between us.

"I bet he enjoyed every line you said."

"I didn't. I hated every single line."

"I know," I nod and I'm finally confident that with time I'll be able to forgive her, because she hadn't intended to hurt me with all of it.

"I am sorry," she repeats for the umpteenth time and I know she means it.

"I know."

"I'll sign the agreement," she offers what I came here for on the first place, but I am not sure anymore that it's still what I want. I wanted her out of my life, because I was angry, but I don't feel anger anymore.

"Maybe we could wait a little longer, until your nomination is secured," I suggest and I can see how she appreciates my magnanimity.

"Thank you."

"And we are finally going to make that mission statement. For future reference."

I don't know where it came from, but I feel we need that statement now more than ever. We need to have a reminder of what we owe each other, when something makes us forget the next time.

"It might be our last common project."

"Then we'd better make it a damn good one."


End file.
